Thursday, October 27, 2005

I'm screwed.

We had a talk by Mani Shankar Aiyar this morning. It was actually interesting. I don't remember what he said, just that it was all very entertaining without being completely pointless. He seemed to have a bone to pick against biz school grads, tho.

We had a meeting sorta thingy with the placement committee tonight where they gave us the list of companies coming for campus recruitment in January. I have this feeling of impending doom. A cranky evil laughing at me. I have no idea what I want to do, where I want to work or what kind of work I want to do. Two years here was supposed to give me an idea of what I was going to do next. Now, I am more confused and everything seems irrelevant, pointless, vague, scary. I have taken mostly marketing papers. My experiment with finance was a disaster. So what am I going to do? Marketing? Then, what kind of marketing? Do I really want to sell biscuits or software? I am so fucking lost. Everybody seems very sure. They all have dream companies, dream jobs. All I have are nightmares. What the hell am I going to do?

At the same time, I have this weird reassuring feeling that it can't be so bad; that everything will be alright; that I'll figure it all out; that it'll all come to me at the right time. But what if I fuck it up in the last minute? What if I screw up the interviews? What if I am too dumb, too smart, too annoying, too predictable, too weird, too ugh, for anybody? What if I don't want the jobs that are offered? What if I am doomed to a life as a desk jockey? A paper pusher? Yet another Pointy Haired Manager? Am I obsessing over this too soon? Or is it too late?

Sometimes I just hate being me.

13 comments:

  1. Just chill and enjoy life. God, you worry too much! Learn from me. =)

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  2. #1 - The people who are so sure of themselves with their dream companies are idiots. How can they be sure of something that they haven't tried.I know such people and a few years after they graduate, they are realizing that they were wrong in the first place.
    Corollary#1 - If you dont know what you like , go for the one that gives you a lot of money.
    #2 - There is no such thing as Finance. There is no such thing as Marketing either.
    Corollary#2 - If you are not honest with yourself , you will end up doing what you dont want ( which is different from not doing what you want - Think of Type II and Type I errors ) and will end up as Pointy or a desk jockey or worse - someone selling credit cards for Stanchart ( and feeling smug about it).
    #3 - Indian B-school folks are out of touch with reality. Smart ones don't let their jobs define them.
    Corollary #3 - Most B-school guys are clueless and let their jobs define them even after many years out of B-school. When the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall , it doesnt matter which rung you are in.

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  3. i know just what you mean.
    i hate myself.
    i dont think i will do well in the interview. i dont have that 'at the same time' feeling.
    i dont know what i want to do. yes, even after a bloody masters.
    join my club, as usual

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  4. don't worry about it, meer. you never be a pointy haired manager. there's a certain hair-type requirement for that job!

    our father still talks about how he doesn't know what he wants to do in life. in the words of the nose-freak pedo, you are not alone.

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  5. I like you people.
    I'm going to keep doing this; evertime I feel pissed or down, I'll just let you know and you can say all sorts of nice things and make me feel better. Or maybe it was that long sleep that made me feel better. Whatever

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  6. that's the general idea. we lull you into this sense of complacency, and then boom! you're so screwed, you don't recognise yourself at the end of it all.

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  7. TO; The President/CEO.

    Dear Madam,

    REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

    First, I must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and 'top secret'. You have been recommended by an associate who assured me in confidence of your ability and reliability to prosecute a transaction of great magnitudeinvolving a pending business transaction requiring maximum confidence. Your new desision to make millions by goining the marketing wOrld helped us decide to approach you also. We are top officials of the Federal Government Contract Review Panel who are interested in importation of goods into our country with funds which are presently trapped in Nigeria. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us transfer into your account the said trapped funds.

    The source of this fund is as follows: During the last Military Regime here in Nigeria, the Government officials set up companies and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over- invoiced in various ministries. The present government set up a Contract Review Panel and we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank Of Nigeria ready for payment. However, by virtue of our position as civil servants and members of this panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore, been delegated by my other colleagues in the panel to look for an overseas partner into whose account we would transfer the sum of US$21,500,000.00 [Twenty-One Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S Dollars]

    Hence we are writing you this letter.

    We have agreed to share the money thus:

    1. 20% for the account owner you

    2. 70% for us [ Myself and other members of my panel ]

    3. 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses direct or incidental to the execution of this transaction.

    It is from the 70% that we wish to commence the importation business. Please, note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope to commence the transfer latest Ten (10) banking days from the date of the receipt of the following information, company's name, Address, Telephone and Fax number.

    The above information will enable us write letters of claim and job description respectively. This way we will use your company's name to apply for payment and re-award the contract in your company's name. We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your confidentiality in this transaction.

    Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above Email address.

    I will bring you into the complete picture of this pending project when I have heard from you.

    Remember this is a Deal so treat with utmost confidentiality.

    Yours faithfully,

    DR. YABRIL OMOTAYO

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  8. you are hilarious. i could use a few mil...

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  9. The minute you start thinking about campus placements too deeply ur screwed man. Just dont plan and go with the flow.
    I attended a Larsen and Toubro interview in jeans and a T.I was presented in front of the Anna Univ Placement cell head...i dunno maybe they got pissed when i told em i speak german and spanish fluently.
    The above instance is of course and example of what u shud nt do.
    all the best. nail the CP.

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  10. cool it, it always works out fine and we know it...

    PS: go to my blog, i did something u wanted to do!

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  11. Tempted to quote a few lines from Fight Club but I'll refrain. Two years in this place has not ended the confusion, but only narrowed it down. Out of college, there was a million things that I wanted to do, a million persons I wanted to be at the same time. But now, I know that I could possibly do only two or three things out of the million...with time, you realise what you are and what you can do, and then you strike a bargain with life. Sometimes you get a good deal - provided you haggle, sometimes you land in a ditch. Either way, it really doesn't matter in the end.

    And yes, have to agree with this: "Smart ones don't let their jobs define them."

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  12. musafir friend, u can be anyone u want in life. but not everyone

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